Lynda Ryan, Child and Adult Psychologist
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MINDFULNESS AND DIFFICULT EMOTIONS

5/9/2020

 
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Hello Everyone -

    Hope you are all well and happy, enjoying this Glorious Day of Sunshine here in Montreal. - it’s Still Summer!

    Looking at an important aspect of Mindfulness today. How can Mindfulness help when the present moment is difficult, when it’s painful?

    What Mindfulness actually is, is the way to develop greater presence in our life. To be able to bring presence to each moment - which includes ourselves - and to our feelings in that moment.

    I see two aspects to this. Mindfulness can help us recognize the causes - how we have been thinking and feeling that has resulted in the outlook, or the feelings we are presently experiencing. The other is how we care for ourselves in that moment and also see how we can transform that experience.

    Mindfulness is a way of interrupting mind activity, to be able to let go, and re-connect with ourselves, with reality, with our life here and now, and with our own power. With our power to choose how we wish to respond and engage with life moment by moment, rather than feel driven by it.

    Being Here - with the moment, the activity, the person at hand is being open, alive, in touch with actual Reality - with life as it flows. It’s the alternative to living our lives overwhelmed, ungrounded, with a sense that life is just the same-old thing, that it feels like a blur that we are not really engaged with, that we’re not finding joy or inspiration in this mysterious, ever-changing experience. 

    Mindfulness is connecting with Awareness itself - where we can choose what we are aware of. We can see where our attention is, and be able to bring it from all the places it can roam, back into the fullness, simplicity and truth of this very moment.

    Most of the time we’re living in stories - in images, in other words - in our imagination. Living out of stories of an imagined past, or projecting that past onto an imagined “future”.

    Both are recipes for missing real life, and for feeling powerless or overwhelmed. Who has any power over past memories or future fantasies? Both are recipes for anxiety, depression or a mixture of both.

    Meanwhile, Reality, real life, is happening! - the beauty of the sunlight flickering on the trees outside my window, the fragrance of an orange at breakfast, the joy of cutting vegetables for a soup, the pleasure of sipping that wonderful soup and seasoning it just right, the appreciation of being able to take a full, deep breath, the peace of being here now!

    Each moment takes care of itself - we’ll live the next moment, when it arrives to become that present moment. Life becomes so simple - and so full!

    A valid question is, “What about when the present moment doesn’t feel joyful, it feels painful”?

    I heard Thich Nhat Hanh answer this question, posed by a young father  whose wife had survived a terrible accident and was left paraplegic. I was waiting with full attention to hear his answer, as I am sure you are waiting right now!

    His answer was that it was even more important to connect with the present moment, where significant care and connection were possible The present moment is much kinder, more gentle and full of potential choices than an entire situation we conceptualize, imagine, judge and carry around with us as a solid entity - as a heavy narrative, chock-full of beliefs, stories we are  completely convinced are true, projections of a future we are so sure of - even though none of us can, or ever could, see the future - because it doesn’t exist! The “future” is composed of all the present moments we are living, which we eventually call “the future”.

    When I began writing this post, what I am writing now - would have been called “the future”.

    As I write this post, the beginning of it would be called “the past”.

    Neither really exists - except through visiting past/future thoughts in our imagination. Of course, it can be lovely to reminisce, look at baby pictures and wander down memory lane. It can be valuable to map out our plans for the future - by choice; but it’s quite a different thing, to be caught in something that is not real, yet at some level we are living as though it is. This usually brings suffering of some kind - because we don’t feel that we’re free. The power and vitality of being alive is lost to us. Life slips through our fingers while our attention is elsewhere.

    That’s why I love that simple - but powerful - exercise of: Stopping, just taking a minute or two, to simply look around your room - there’s the window, there’s a table, there’s a picture, there’s my cup of tea - take your time to really connect with each of them. Then ask, “In this moment, am I okay?”

    You’ve returned to yourself. You are at home in your world, fully present, open to the experience of being alive. Now you can choose how you would like to engage and create the next moment, then the next, then the next, then the next. This is the practice of Mindfulness. It’s rightly called “practice”, because we do it again and again. We’re bringing freshness and clarity to each moment again and again - because many thought patterns are habits! Like any habitual pattern, it fades when it is seen clearly and not reinforced by repetition!

    It makes such a difference to our lives! Any activity carried out with our awareness in the present moment - taking a walk, washing dishes, baking cookies filled with the secret ingredient of Mindfulness, will bring you Home!

    There’s also the component of difficult, painful feelings. Sometimes, it just HURTS! This is when we bring Mindfulness to ourselves. Really bring your awareness to the feeling itself. You can feel it right there in your chest or your stomach. Bring your kind attention to it in the same way you would hold any aspect of your life occurring in the present moment.

    Your pain doesn’t have to be frightened of itself and try to get away - rather it can be held - as it is - in your awareness. I think of the presence of Mindfulness as being like a kind, caring mother who understands that life can feel confusing, lonely and very sad at times. Our  Mindfulness has a very healing component to it. Just bring that caring attention to enfold the feeling, perhaps resting your hand on the place that hurts. It is like a wise, caring mother who holds the sobbing child, allowing it to be, until it naturally subsides. We can invite her, for feelings both big & small. She is always there.

    I have attached a wonderful video with Thich Nhat Hanh on this subject, which I am sure you will enjoy!


Enjoy the Sunshine!
Enjoy the Rain!
Enjoy Everything!


It’s Still Summer!
Lynda


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t5Ka2RS0UC4

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    Lynda Ryan

    a psychologist who has been practicing, working with, and teaching Mindfulness for almost 30 years. She has trained personally with Jon Kabat-Zinn and Thich Nhat Hanh.

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    ❧ MINDFULNESS AND DIFFICULT EMOTIONS
    ❧ MINDFULNESS AND INNER PEACE
    ❧ MINDFULNESS AND THE ALLEVIATION OF SUFFERING
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    ❧ MINDFULNESS AND THE CORONAVIRUS #2
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    ❧ MINDFULNESS - BEAUTIFUL LUNAR NEW YEAR WISHES
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    ❧ MINDFULNESS DAY TO DAY
    ❧ MINDFULNESS EVENING - FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 25TH 2020
    ❧ MINDFULNESS EVENING - SEPTEMBER 25TH 2020
    ❧ MINDFULNESS EVENINGS - ONLINE
    ❧ MINDFULNESS EVENING WEDNESDAY OCTOBER 21 2020 "LIVING IN THE PRESENT MOMENT"
    ❧ MINDFULNESS - LIVING WITH AN EASEFUL MIND & A JOYFUL HEART
    ❧ MINDFULNESS - LOCKDOWN NIGHTS IN OXFORD
    ❧ MINDFULNESS - THE WIDE OPEN SKY
    ❧ MINDFULNESS - WHY IS THE PRESENT MOMENT SUCH A BIG DEAL?
    ❧ OXYGEN FOR INDIA
    ❧ SUPERVISION AVAILABLE ON INCORPORATING MINDFULNESS INTO CLINICAL PRACTICE
    ❧ THE SIMPLICITY OF THE PRESENT MOMENT
    ❧ THICH NHAT HANH - A PASSING
    ❧ THINKING OF YOU

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